Super Angry at Bug Bite Dad

[familyschoolcare]

So at this point, I am very glad I have a paper trail of what I have told Dad. I am also very glad that I cleared my house of any infestation.

I have not had the child all week. Because, Dad or Girlfriend called shortly before I was to leave to pick the child up and said that the girlfriend got of work early and was going to pick the child up. I thought that was great more time with parental figures is always good for any child right.

But then …

Mom calls today and wants to know what is up with the bug bites on DCB’s face. At this point, I think she is confused by what Dad said I said about my house being cleared of an infestation ECT…

So I said to mom I will tell you the background info that I gave Dad and informed her of the conversation. Did mention that Dad took child to the doc on Tues of last week and the doc. apparently thinks they are flee bites? I also told mom that I placed traps in my house and did not catch anything.

Mom then asked so did DCB have marks on Monday or Tuesday. So I informed her that I did not have DCB at all this week. To which she said what you have not had him all week and your house was cleared. My response was yes that is correct.

Mom then says oh because he has like five marks on him now. Mom indicated that they where defiantly fresh and that this time when she asked Dad what happen he said I do not know where he got them. (Last, two times he told her they came from my house)

I then confirmed that DCB has bug bite marks on him. At that point I told mom that I was really sorry to here that and I am sorry that Dad has put her in the middle of this Because now I can not accept DCB into my daycare until he sees a doc. (I was to supposed to pick him up on her behave tomorrow). She asked if I have it in writing that, I told Dad this and wanted a copy of it. Thinking about writing mom, her own letter summarizing what I have told dad and not giving her a copy of letter given to Dad.

Mom then went on to tell me not to put you in the middle but I am filling a motion against dad because of some of the things he has done. Shared some things it was on over share but short so I did not cut Mom off. Silly me I thought this was about helping your son not about being nasty to your ex-husband.:confused:

So now Mom has no Daycare for child tomorrow unless she takes him to the doc today (she is at work right now).

Right after talking to Mom, I called Dad, left a message at work, and then called the house. Just got off the phone with him. I told him that DCB Mom called me asking about the marks on him so (that this point I was not letting him talk I did not pause for a response) I did inform Mom that I did not have the child all week, and that I laid out traps and my house did come back clean.

(still not pausing for a response) I went on to tell Dad that according too Mom DCB has five or six fresh marks on him. Then reminded Dad that because this is the 3rd time I will need a doc. Note indicating that it is not contagious, or that it is indeed bug bites and that the doc. Needs to see DCB while the marks are fresh, you know not mostly healed and scabbed over.

Then when I did pause and give Dad time to respond he say yah I will try to get a note for you (What try in his E-mails he comes across so concerned apparently not). Dad also said the marks look different this time. So I told him even more reason why I need a note indicating that it is indeed bug bites and not some strange childhood rash.

Dad then said and about disclosing my relationship with my child I would appreciate it if Mom needs information that you director her back to me. So I then tell him that the law does not see it that way that she is his mother and therefore certain information she is entitled too, unless there is a court order indicating that she does not have the right anymore I can not with hold information from a parent. (I might need to find out exactly what I can and can not tell a parent)

Dad says that there is a court order and that he will try to get it too me. Silly me I thought this was bout helping your son not about being nasty to your ex-wife. :confused:

FYI according to both Mom and Dad the divorce is not finally even though they have not lived together for 4 years since child was a baby, and both of them have other live in boy/girlfriends.

More drama than I signed up for up.

I will not be making any decisions for at least 24 hours. Part of me wants to say go away and take your drama with you. Another part of me wants to be the only sane person in DCB’s life.

[laundrymom]

THEY are putting YOU in the middle of THEIR drama.

My advice, REQUIRE a meeting with both present.

Let them know, you don't want to be in THEIR drama. If they want you to continue care, they need to come up with a solution. You have enough drama in your own life. You don't need theirs.

[sharlan]

THEY are putting YOU in the middle of THEIR drama.

My advice, REQUIRE a meeting with both present.

Let them know, you don't want to be in THEIR drama. If they want you to continue care, they need to come up with a solution. You have enough drama in your own life. You don't need theirs.

I agree. Either term and move on OR have a meeting with BOTH parents and get things straightened out. Way too much drama for one child.

[wdmmom]

I would tell DCD that you won't work for him. Agree to work for DCM if you want to and only take the boy on days she has him or if she wants to pass DCB to DCD the days he has him.

Eliminate yourself from the drama and only work with 1 parent.

[daycare]

I don't play middle man ever. I think that you need to only talk by email with this family and copy both parents on everything that is said. It is only fair to both parties. Then you let them hash it out with one another if they don't like what the other party is doing. You should only have to do your job ONCE, don't make this call to mom, that call to dad, one letter here, one letter there..... ONE time.

I don't like having to deal with parents like this, but when I did, i sat them down and said learn to co-parent together and leave me out of your probelms. I am here to care for your child and will do all that I can to help your child. Anything else is not of my concern.

BTW you can't withhold ANY information from any parent regarding a child. BUT you can withhold personl information about the parents to each other.

[Unregistered]

To begin with I would have kept it short and said he didn't get any bug bites at your house.
End of story.

I would not have said I put traps out because you contradicted yourself, if you know it wasn't your house no reason to do that.

Would not share info. regarding what each parent says, simply stick to your guns, didn't happen here.

Make it clear you do not get in the middle of divorces, they are both approved for pick up and drop off and all you want to know. Let dad know if it comes down to court orders you will need to term them at once.

Give both parents warning, let them know any more false allegations of bites, and marks you will term them at once. That is unless you want to keep them at this point, myself I would line someone up and drop them pronto. Good luck.

[familyschoolcare]

BTW you can't withhold ANY information from any parent regarding a child. BUT you can withhold personl information about the parents to each other.

That is what I thought...

Will need to wait and see what this court orders says if I get to see it at all.

[Crystal]

I would be direct and tell them you don't do drama.

At this point I am wondring if the bug bites are, indeed, bug bites. I am wondering if the child is developing hives in reaction to environment or stress.

There is a condition called chronic uticaria. It is basically unexplained, regularly occurring rash or hives, sometimes looking like bug bites. It can sometimes be controlled with benadryl or chlor trimeton. The parents might want to ask the doctor if this is what it may be and try benadryl to see if the "bites" go away.

Good luck with the rest of it.

[familyschoolcare]

I would not have said I put traps out because you contradicted yourself, if you know it wasn't your house no reason to do that.

Would not share info. regarding what each parent says, simply stick to your guns, didn't happen here.

Make it clear you do not get in the middle of divorces, they are both approved for pick up and drop off and all you want to know. Let dad know if it comes down to court orders you will need to term them at once.

.

1. While, I understand what you are saying. I do not see it that way. I see it as me going out of my way to prove it was no tmy house. Because, untill I did that Dad was saying it was my house, and sending my E-mail basicaily acusing me of it being my house.

2. If I did not take children that had court orders, I would not have any children. All of my day care children come from a divoriced family and have courtorders. Not all of the courtorders do I have to be aware of, the ones I do I will decied on a case by case bases wither or not to deal with.

I understand where you are coming form and apericate you in put. I have decied that I will not terminate just yet.

[familyschoolcare]

I would be direct and tell them you don't do drama.

At this point I am wondring if the bug bites are, indeed, bug bites. I am wondering if the child is developing hives in reaction to environment or stress.

There is a condition called chronic uticaria. It is basically unexplained, regularly occurring rash or hives, sometimes looking like bug bites. It can sometimes be controlled with benadryl or chlor trimeton. The parents might want to ask the doctor if this is what it may be and try benadryl to see if the "bites" go away.

Good luck with the rest of it.

Yes, part of the reason I asked for a doc note.

[familyschoolcare]

So I have decieded to update the comunication part of my contract to include divored parents. spelling it out that it is the parents responsibility to comunicate with the other parent everything that is going on in daycare about thier child espicialy when it comes to the health and safety of the child, and that failure to do so will result in termenation. I will send it home tommorow with a letter explaining that it must be signed by friday October 28, 2011. I have the feeling that dad might refuse to sign it. Which will result in my termenating him, most liekly mom will follow as her rate is dependent on dad paying me. In other words if dad leaves and she stays her rate goes up. If mom leaves and dad stays his rate goes up.

[daycare]

I was forced to do this about 6 years ago. the parents were young and full of drama. A fight in my driveway between the two of them ended really quick.

Just as you are doing I had them sign a document that stated this was a drama free safe zone and that it would not be tolerated. i would also be conducting all communication with the parents via email so that we were all in the loop on being able to care for thier child. I required that when they replied to any of my emails pretaining to their child that they copied everyone on it. If they did not like what the other said in the emails they needed to take it up with each other... Also, they were watched like a hawk by me on the sign in out log...

Well it ended up that mom pulled him from teh daycare on her days and put the boy in a different daycare. So I had him here one week and not the next. Basically, every otehr week and it worked out great that way for 3 years until he just left for kinder....

I was a little sad I waas out the $, but at least the drama was gone and I was headache free from THEIR problems...

[Unregistered]

I just find that you are saying more then you should.

Simple and to the point.

Bugs are not from my house. Let them figure out where they are coming from.

If you already know they are flea bites, why are you having the parents get you another note from the doctor.

stay out of their problems. I like the idea of having a conference with both parents and explaining to them that you don't want to be in the middle of their differences, your not their personal mediator, you are the provider for their son. I would tell them, that I will talk about their son to both of them and only events that have happened during care.

Being isolated with kids all day sometimes makes us easy targets for conversations that include personal drama- sometimes its the most excitement that happens during the day. Choose to stay out of it- and have good friends outside of daycare to socialize with.

You need to cut the cord with both of them, they are using you and you are going to end up in court with them. Keep it simple,brief and to the point.

Have them check their Fido's by the vet. Is it possible that they could be Gnat bites from going outside?

I still feel they are coming from someones car- logic points to that is when they seemed to develop on the ride home

[familyschoolcare]

If you already know they are flea bites, why are you having the parents get you another note from the doctor.

I still feel they are coming from someones car- logic points to that is when they seemed to develop on the ride home

I do not know they are flee bites. What I know is that dad says that the doctor says they are flees bites based on see a scbbed over markd 7 days after the fact

yes they do seem t be from the car, I think they are coming from the car too but do not want to get to confertational with dad. The marks are being noticed when child is being taken out of car from an hour plus car ride home which he falls asleep during.

[familyschoolcare]

Bug bite mom had the nerve to ask … (vent more than anything)

I talked to Mom today and she wanted to know why I did not give her a copy of the letter I gave Dad that said child could not return to daycare if the marks reoccurred until seen by a doctor. My response to her was because it did not occur to me that Dad was not communicating with you on this matter. Later I looked at my records of when I gave dad the letter and when Mom has picked up and Mom has not been here since then, so even if it had occurred to me I would not have done so yet because I had not seen mom.


Anyway I typed up a change in the communication policy that is going home to all divorced parents (which is all of mine) tonight, I also already sent it to this mom and dad via certified mail as I will not see either of them again today. It says that if I communicate something with one parent is that parent responsibility to ensure the other parent knows about it. All parents will have to sign it at the bottom where it says I have read and will comply with the above change in communication policy.

Have not deiced if I will call mom and dad to tell them that this important policy change is coming. Did send a letter with it indicating that all parents must sign and return the policy change to me no latter than Friday October 28, 2011.

If this does not resolve the problem one way or the other, I will terminate them