Bickering, Catty Girls...What To Do??

[SunflowerMama]

I'm so lost as to what to do with my group of 4-5 year old girls.

I have 5 that are between the ages of 3.5 and 5 and the bickering and fighting has been terrible the last few weeks.

Someone is always been excluded or picked on, they team up on each other, say they don't like each other and will never play with each other again, won't invite them to their bday party, etc.

We've had sit down after sit down as a group and have talked about how to treat others, speak to others, include others, etc. and the minute it's over someone is at it again. I address everything that happens, as it happens and ask them to tell me how they could have handled the situation differently but I just don't see it working.

I'm at a loss. How do you handle the cattiness of girls? These girls can seriously be the most loving, caring, compassionate little girls but when they get angry at each other watch out. They have already learned what hurts "I don't like your hair", "I don't like your clothes", etc. and are relentless when they are upset.

[Unregistered]

No fun!

It's like revisiting elementary school! I have the same issues. It's a challenge to have predominantly girls that are in the same age range. Mine are totally "frenemies" and as long as they work out their problems without hurting each other, I try to let them handle it on their own. I know that I won't always be around to sort out their drama so I try not to get actively involved. What usually happens is that they hurt each other's feelings and they end up not liking how it feels. When they get done with their drama and it's out of their system, we talk about how what happened made them feel. Not about who started it or anything like that. We only talk about how it feels and it's happening less often because they don't like having their feelings hurt and they don't feel good about knowing that they are responsible for hurting each other's feelings.

Good luck!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Omg I have these same kids! Boys get in on it too. Its just awful! Girls I think do tend to "bully by exclusion" more than boys. I have nothing helpful to add, just sympathy! I go through it too and it never sinks in. I do just what you do, try to reason with them. I am thinking of maybe giving out heart stickers to those that get through the day without "mean talking" others, but its not very motivating when the urge to "diss" is so strong. Ugh.

[cheerfuldom]

my sister works at a large in-home daycare and she says the boys there are way worse than the little girls about this sort of thing. my group isn't old enough to be doing much of this but I see it a lot when I work with the kids at my church. I always separate the girls that are the worst about it and force them to play with someone else besides their partner in crime. divide and conquer!

[Solandia]

if you cannot be or play nice, you get to play only by yourself. They correct their playing very quickly. Especially when the "play by yourself" toys are not the fun toys.

The "how to treat others & hurtful words" training is done at a completely different time. I do NOT reason with kids in the middle of their consequences for negative behavior because it is not a good listening time when emotions are high. We do that later when no one is trying to justify their bad behaviors.

[Blackcat31]

I say you nip it in the bud swiftly and firmly the second it starts. As soon as one of them starts to even utter one of the phrases mentioned, that child should immediatley be separated and must play alone the remainder of the day.

Once they see the others playing happily without them they begin to see what types of social behaviors are acceptable.

I would treat it just like an aggressive situation where the child saying those words is the aggressor and cannot be trusted to be with a group until they learn to behave properly.

I am willing to bet that the minute the girls pick up on the fact that you are absolutely under no uncertain terms tolerating any of that type of behavior (and acting quickly to squash it) that they will start being nice real fast.

[Kaddidle Care]

Keep them busy. 2 at each center and if they don't get along move them on to another center. They get the hint quickly.

We're mostly boys this year - seems like every other year. I have my hands full keeping them calm and not rowdy. It's amazing how they can turn everything into Army games.

[awestbrook713]

I hate this. I have a rule in my daycare that if everyone can't be included in a play activity no one will get to play it. Its sad how cruel children can be at such young ages. It breaks my heart when a child comes up to me because no one will play with them or so and so won't let them play with them. My group of kids are quite close and their moms were friends in highschool. Its funny how when the moms have problems with each other their daughters start having problems with each other too.

[daycare]

my first year in daycare I had 6 girls.......omg it was nuts..

they were all 3-5 years old.

So the older ones when they name called or said something not so nice, I made them go to thier victim, hold their hand and tell them 3 nice things about them. Like

I like your hair
I think you are pretty
I like your ear
actual words that one said....
and then hug

The younger ones I would remove them and tell them why their friend is nice and that when you say mean words it hurtful. Then they have to walk over, hold their victims hand and tell them the words I gave them followed by a hug.

[Hunni Bee]

I've had these chicks . I think I even posted about them before. The only thing that worked was for me to become the Play Police. I basically helicoptered them for a couple weeks, immediately correcting any mean words, and immediately sending away anyone who teased, excluded, insulted, tried to boss people, etc.

I also have a "list" of forbidden topics. It seems extreme, but these girls see catty, b***hy, mean female personalities being celebrated so much in movies, tv, and their own homes. I insist they act like little ladies in my classroom.

The list includes:

-Birthday invitations or invitations to play at someone's house
-Questions or comments about why does someone look like that, dress like that, smell like that, etc.
-Questions or comments about what someone was doing in the bathroom
-Public announcements that someone had a toileting accident (big no-no)
-Discussion about why someone was time-out or got a talking-to

among others.