Is there a support group for childcare workers that have been verbally abused by parents?! sheesh. Thanks to anyone who reads. Having major imposter syndrome rn.
New home provider (about 2 years) here. I just had to abruptly terminate siblings, they're amazing but their parents are hostile and manipulative. Really discouraged. I thought working in childcare out of my home would protect me from guys like this.... Long but I just wanna put this out there so maybe someone can relate, or i can look back on this all the wiser.
tl;dr my lessons learned are to go over the handbook with m&d at first interview; to have a policy of not accepting non-emergency calls during hours; to enforce the rules the first time and not become a doormat!
I take some responsibility--DCPs frequently lied to my face about their kids being sick, drugged-and-dropped, tried to manipulate me into potty training their kid (more on that), etc but I tried my best to work with them because they were going through tumultuous events like moving house, changing jobs, getting behavioral therapy for DCB because he was a tyrant at home (sweet as pie here i thought it was another one of DCP lies until i saw him unleash on them myself)....for the sake of those DCK, I would pretend I just didn't know they were lying and walking all over me. One time I got petty and closed for them the rest of the week after they brought their kids in sick, claiming everyone else got it (nope just my kid and one other) but I felt so bad about that I couldn't do it again. Looking back on it, I should have just termed at the first few red flags.
Anyway, they started sending DCB (3.5) in cloth undies because he was apparently potty trained--sure enough, we were playing outside and DCB quietly comes up to me and asked me to give him a diaper because he pooped. I text DCM saying she needs to come pick him up; I've got a full house and I already told them it's logistically impossible for me to clean a blowout in cloth undies during hours (especially when he's supposedly potty trained). Well, minutes later I get a call from DCD, who is furious. Furious enough to insult me, yell at me, tell me I was stupid, and loads of other stuff that make me think 'gee maybe i should have a *text first* policy.'
Part of me thinks this is them being petty after I declined to help them potty train in the first place (DCD: 'Well how is he ever gonna learn then?!' yes this is his first kid)
Fun fact about HatParty, I do NOT have the time for angry, demanding men on my phone berating me and insulting me because I'm a childcare worker! I regretted every single time I was cool with them and let them leave their sick, snot-pouring-down-the-face kids at my home after listening to how it was 'allergies.'
I let DCM know she needs to find other care, and that when she does I need to terminate her kids because I just can't be around DCD anymore.
I ended up taking off DCB's clothes and washing him in my shower (still not comfortable using it yet). Poop got everywhere of course, the kids ran amok and also needed cleaning, day was pretty much crashed with no survivors but could have been worse like anything.
DCM is mad, picks up both her kids, leaves without a word; the kids are goofing around and laughing, they don't notice anything is wrong or weird.
Her son and I would always say funny goodbyes but that day, he gave me a big hug and said "I love you!" It crushed me. They left and I started just crying, shaking, not just because I was sad to see him go but I was so, so angry that it was because I can't handle being spoken to like DCD did and couldn't take it anymore.
Immediate next thing DCD texts a group chat between DCM, DCD, and myself, demanding a reimbursement--DCM misunderstood me and told DCD that I was terminating immediately. Either way, they aren't getting their money back . Anyway at the time I'm totally befuddled and am like "you can't even apologize?" Because...idk i guess at that point I was holding out hope DCD was just having a really, really bad day, maybe he got fired, maybe he was like drinking or something and would come to his senses. An apology literally would have smoothed it all over for me, that's how spineless I am...er, was
Nope. Instead, DCM says she can't believe I'm terminating her kids for an accident. Lying right to my face again, about something I said myself! I reminded her I said I had to term because DCD called me up to be hostile with me and posted what I had messaged her. DCD denied everything and said he just wanted to give his side of the story (bizarre lie but what's new). EVEN THEN I was like "look, I can see them until you guys find someone new, I'll put out feelers for you" and still, she insisted I am discriminating against them somehow because I simply am not comfortable with cleaning poopy underwear, pants, socks, shoes, and DCB in my shower/sink/washer when it was a totally preventable event! DCD insisted I had "humiliated" their son (uh nope absolutely not I didn't call it to attention, i even reassured him that it was okay as I cleaned him...also he's not even 4 yet the second he saw he wasn't in trouble at all he was a happy clam as usual).
It was so freaky. Both DCPs are close to my age (fresh into our 30s). We have a lot in common, both DCD and myself are military veterans. DCM eventually tried to say that's just how DCD is when he's 'concerned' I do fear for that woman...but he wasn't even asking for a reimbursement genuinely, it's like he was just upset and angrily lashing out, ultimately at the expense of their kids, which breaks my heart. I know I did the right thing to myself and the other kids to term, but I don't feel like I did the right thing--I feel like I should have just taken the abuse to spare those kids yet another stressful change in routine.
So now I'm printing off my fave pics of them to send in a separation package, and find that when I say "I'll miss having DCB and DCG so much, we had lots of fun!" I just mean it so deeply. I don't know how many more incidents like this I can take. I've read other folks here say sometimes, their first couple years were wild but things mellowed out when they got better at filtering problem families, but I'm afraid I'll just never develop that radar. *sigh*
New home provider (about 2 years) here. I just had to abruptly terminate siblings, they're amazing but their parents are hostile and manipulative. Really discouraged. I thought working in childcare out of my home would protect me from guys like this.... Long but I just wanna put this out there so maybe someone can relate, or i can look back on this all the wiser.
tl;dr my lessons learned are to go over the handbook with m&d at first interview; to have a policy of not accepting non-emergency calls during hours; to enforce the rules the first time and not become a doormat!
I take some responsibility--DCPs frequently lied to my face about their kids being sick, drugged-and-dropped, tried to manipulate me into potty training their kid (more on that), etc but I tried my best to work with them because they were going through tumultuous events like moving house, changing jobs, getting behavioral therapy for DCB because he was a tyrant at home (sweet as pie here i thought it was another one of DCP lies until i saw him unleash on them myself)....for the sake of those DCK, I would pretend I just didn't know they were lying and walking all over me. One time I got petty and closed for them the rest of the week after they brought their kids in sick, claiming everyone else got it (nope just my kid and one other) but I felt so bad about that I couldn't do it again. Looking back on it, I should have just termed at the first few red flags.
Anyway, they started sending DCB (3.5) in cloth undies because he was apparently potty trained--sure enough, we were playing outside and DCB quietly comes up to me and asked me to give him a diaper because he pooped. I text DCM saying she needs to come pick him up; I've got a full house and I already told them it's logistically impossible for me to clean a blowout in cloth undies during hours (especially when he's supposedly potty trained). Well, minutes later I get a call from DCD, who is furious. Furious enough to insult me, yell at me, tell me I was stupid, and loads of other stuff that make me think 'gee maybe i should have a *text first* policy.'
Part of me thinks this is them being petty after I declined to help them potty train in the first place (DCD: 'Well how is he ever gonna learn then?!' yes this is his first kid)
Fun fact about HatParty, I do NOT have the time for angry, demanding men on my phone berating me and insulting me because I'm a childcare worker! I regretted every single time I was cool with them and let them leave their sick, snot-pouring-down-the-face kids at my home after listening to how it was 'allergies.'
I let DCM know she needs to find other care, and that when she does I need to terminate her kids because I just can't be around DCD anymore.
I ended up taking off DCB's clothes and washing him in my shower (still not comfortable using it yet). Poop got everywhere of course, the kids ran amok and also needed cleaning, day was pretty much crashed with no survivors but could have been worse like anything.
DCM is mad, picks up both her kids, leaves without a word; the kids are goofing around and laughing, they don't notice anything is wrong or weird.
Her son and I would always say funny goodbyes but that day, he gave me a big hug and said "I love you!" It crushed me. They left and I started just crying, shaking, not just because I was sad to see him go but I was so, so angry that it was because I can't handle being spoken to like DCD did and couldn't take it anymore.
Immediate next thing DCD texts a group chat between DCM, DCD, and myself, demanding a reimbursement--DCM misunderstood me and told DCD that I was terminating immediately. Either way, they aren't getting their money back . Anyway at the time I'm totally befuddled and am like "you can't even apologize?" Because...idk i guess at that point I was holding out hope DCD was just having a really, really bad day, maybe he got fired, maybe he was like drinking or something and would come to his senses. An apology literally would have smoothed it all over for me, that's how spineless I am...er, was
Nope. Instead, DCM says she can't believe I'm terminating her kids for an accident. Lying right to my face again, about something I said myself! I reminded her I said I had to term because DCD called me up to be hostile with me and posted what I had messaged her. DCD denied everything and said he just wanted to give his side of the story (bizarre lie but what's new). EVEN THEN I was like "look, I can see them until you guys find someone new, I'll put out feelers for you" and still, she insisted I am discriminating against them somehow because I simply am not comfortable with cleaning poopy underwear, pants, socks, shoes, and DCB in my shower/sink/washer when it was a totally preventable event! DCD insisted I had "humiliated" their son (uh nope absolutely not I didn't call it to attention, i even reassured him that it was okay as I cleaned him...also he's not even 4 yet the second he saw he wasn't in trouble at all he was a happy clam as usual).
It was so freaky. Both DCPs are close to my age (fresh into our 30s). We have a lot in common, both DCD and myself are military veterans. DCM eventually tried to say that's just how DCD is when he's 'concerned' I do fear for that woman...but he wasn't even asking for a reimbursement genuinely, it's like he was just upset and angrily lashing out, ultimately at the expense of their kids, which breaks my heart. I know I did the right thing to myself and the other kids to term, but I don't feel like I did the right thing--I feel like I should have just taken the abuse to spare those kids yet another stressful change in routine.
So now I'm printing off my fave pics of them to send in a separation package, and find that when I say "I'll miss having DCB and DCG so much, we had lots of fun!" I just mean it so deeply. I don't know how many more incidents like this I can take. I've read other folks here say sometimes, their first couple years were wild but things mellowed out when they got better at filtering problem families, but I'm afraid I'll just never develop that radar. *sigh*
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