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I have a three-year-old who gets groggy and cranky if she doesn't have a nap immediately after lunch. I wake her up between one and a half and two hours after she goes to sleep, and she is very tired, shaky, weepy, and clumsy for about 20 minutes afterward. If I don't wake her up, she will sleep for upwards of three hours. If I wake her up after one hour, she is cranky and woozy for the rest of the day.
The parents want her to nap in the morning or stop napping here because they say she doesn't nap at home anymore, and that if she naps here, she is awake at 11 o'clock at night at home. She cannot make it through the day without a nap, but she will not nap in the morning and she is rowdy and disruptive if I try to put all the kids down for a pre-lunch nap. On the rare occasion she does fall asleep in the morning, again, she will sleep so long that it's a struggle to get her up for lunch.
So I know the standard reply to the parents is "a child who is too old to take a nap has outgrown my program." And also "I provide a quiet rest/nap time, and if she is tired enough to fall asleep, I allow her to sleep for a developmentally-appropriate amount of time."
But this child is a gem and the parents are part of my nonwork community, so I'm not looking to give them an ultimatum.
Instead, I'm thinking that it's really not typical for a child who has a nap no longer than two hours, and no later than until 3 o'clock in the afternoon, to still be up at 11 PM or midnight or 1 AM, as the parents are saying. I don't think a standard afternoon nap is responsible for that. I could see that the nap is a necessity because her nighttime sleeping is so disrupted, but not that the nighttime sleeping is so disrupted because the nap exists.
I've talked to them before about their nighttime routine and there was nothing that stuck out to me, but I want to revisit it with them. Here's what I'm already thinking of. Please let me know if you have any insights, suggestions, or if I am missing something obvious that I need to be asking.
TV, tablet, or phone screens. Are they happening after the sun goes down? There should be absolutely no illuminated screens after dark, because it resets the circadian rhythm.
Is there a street light or other bright light coming into her bedroom?
What is her bedtime routine? Does it involve soothing rituals like a bath or story time? What time does the routine begin?
Is her bedroom a stress-free space? Is she sleeping in a bed, with the ability to get up if she feels like she needs to, or does she feel constrained in her room?
Are there toys in her room that she is getting up to play with, which need to be moved out of the sleeping space? Is there some other activity going on when she should be settling down for bed, that only happens around bedtime, so it's getting her brain up and going again?
Are you guys cosleeping? Has she come to rely on your presence in the bed in order to get to sleep?
Is she getting a late evening snack that is keeping her body awake because it's digesting?
Is she consuming tea or chocolate or anything else that contains caffeine at any point in the day after the end of daycare?
Are her parents entertaining guests, watching loud television, or doing anything else that makes the stuff outside of her room the center of her focus after bedtime?
The parents want her to nap in the morning or stop napping here because they say she doesn't nap at home anymore, and that if she naps here, she is awake at 11 o'clock at night at home. She cannot make it through the day without a nap, but she will not nap in the morning and she is rowdy and disruptive if I try to put all the kids down for a pre-lunch nap. On the rare occasion she does fall asleep in the morning, again, she will sleep so long that it's a struggle to get her up for lunch.
So I know the standard reply to the parents is "a child who is too old to take a nap has outgrown my program." And also "I provide a quiet rest/nap time, and if she is tired enough to fall asleep, I allow her to sleep for a developmentally-appropriate amount of time."
But this child is a gem and the parents are part of my nonwork community, so I'm not looking to give them an ultimatum.
Instead, I'm thinking that it's really not typical for a child who has a nap no longer than two hours, and no later than until 3 o'clock in the afternoon, to still be up at 11 PM or midnight or 1 AM, as the parents are saying. I don't think a standard afternoon nap is responsible for that. I could see that the nap is a necessity because her nighttime sleeping is so disrupted, but not that the nighttime sleeping is so disrupted because the nap exists.
I've talked to them before about their nighttime routine and there was nothing that stuck out to me, but I want to revisit it with them. Here's what I'm already thinking of. Please let me know if you have any insights, suggestions, or if I am missing something obvious that I need to be asking.
TV, tablet, or phone screens. Are they happening after the sun goes down? There should be absolutely no illuminated screens after dark, because it resets the circadian rhythm.
Is there a street light or other bright light coming into her bedroom?
What is her bedtime routine? Does it involve soothing rituals like a bath or story time? What time does the routine begin?
Is her bedroom a stress-free space? Is she sleeping in a bed, with the ability to get up if she feels like she needs to, or does she feel constrained in her room?
Are there toys in her room that she is getting up to play with, which need to be moved out of the sleeping space? Is there some other activity going on when she should be settling down for bed, that only happens around bedtime, so it's getting her brain up and going again?
Are you guys cosleeping? Has she come to rely on your presence in the bed in order to get to sleep?
Is she getting a late evening snack that is keeping her body awake because it's digesting?
Is she consuming tea or chocolate or anything else that contains caffeine at any point in the day after the end of daycare?
Are her parents entertaining guests, watching loud television, or doing anything else that makes the stuff outside of her room the center of her focus after bedtime?
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