DCK's Dog Died This Morning, and a Question

[BumbleBee]

Dck, 10.5 years old, had a dog who was struck and killed by a car this morning. This dck is on the autism spectrum. Dck is a very concrete thinker and takes things you say very literally.

I don't know that she really understands death. I'm not sure how to handle this. Right now I'm just going to play it by ear and be there if she wants to talk.

Do any parents or other providers have any advice or tips? I know there are some providers who have children on the autism spectrum-have you ever lost a pet and how did you handle it with your child?

I'm worried, tbh. The way this particular dck thinks is unique and I'm concerned that when the reality of the situation sinks in it may get ugly. Maybe I'm over thinking this but I can't shake the feeling that, right now, she doesn't 'get it' and when she does 'get it' things are going to get difficult. I'm not sure how they're going to get difficult but I know how dck has handled stress in the past (socially unacceptable ways) and this is a big stress situation.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Luvnmykidz]

My dd is on the spectrum. We have not experienced a pet loss( we don't have any pets). But there have been life changes that we had to deal with( moving away from family and into an area where we knew no one). There were lots of behavioral challenges that I honestly wasn't prepared for. She has come a long ways since then though. She is pretty matter of fact with things though. As a parent I would be honest and explain that unfortunately things like this happen, be supportive and very understanding. As a provider I would be a shoulder to cry on and lend an ear if she wants to talk about it. I would also be supportive and understanding. Encourage her to share her feelings and ask questions when she is ready.

[daycarediva]

It greatly depends on the child. ASD varies so greatly. My DS was 8.5 when we lost our dog, and I explained that the dog did not live on earth anymore, that his body had died, and that the dog's mind lived in heaven with other dogs. He helped us bury him, and said his goodbyes. He cried on/off for a few weeks and still says he misses him.

Fast forward a few years and he lost a very young relative with whom he was very close, and he still sobs uncontrollably out of the blue on a regular basis. He also makes declarative sentences out of the blue "_____ is dead." "____ lives in heaven now." "When I die, I will live in heaven, too."

[BumbleBee]

Behavioral challenges-you nailed it. I'm trying to be prepared for the behavioral challenges but I have no idea what those will be. I know what she's done in the past, but more often than not the behavior will change and I feel woefully unprepared for how to handle them sometimes-I feel like they come at me like a speeding train around a corner, sometimes. More than once I've thought "Where did THAT come from?" because I honestly do NOT see them coming. I'm usually pretty good at picking up on the pre-behavior but sometimes I don't and then it's just a mess.

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it!

[Sunchimes]

I'm thinking it won't hit until she gets home and the dog isn't there. Maybe by morning the parents can give you an idea what to expect.

When our dog died, we told dcg, 3 yo, that he died and went to Heaven to live with Jesus. For weeks, out of the blue, she would tell us that Babe went to Heaven to eat Cheetos. She knew that would have been Babe's idea of Heaven. :-)

[Sunchimes]

Just realized I left a duplicate post. I'm sorry.

[Angelsj]

You may have stress or you may not. I have four children on the spectrum and have cared for a couple of dozen others. They are all unique. One cried off and on for YEARS following the death of a cat he liked (not really loved, just liked) but following the death of a close family member, nothing.
I have another who never cried about the loss of his grandmother, or animals, but would vomit for a few weeks after a shock. Just randomly. I assumed that was his way of dealing with it.

Often these kids will either not talk about it at all, will talk with little emotion (so and so died) or will talk about it endlessly.

[Indoorvoice]

I used to teach an ASD classroom. One thing that really helped my students understand situations like this were social stories. Basically, they are a personalized story for the child to explain different situations.I found a basic one about a death that you could modify for your needs at this link:

http://www.autism-pdd.net/testdump/test27023.htm

Google "social stories" or "Carol Gray" (she came up with technique and markets it) to find a bunch of information on how to use them.

[DaveA]

You'll probably be answering questions or hearing statements about it for a while. When my daughter's favorite chicken got killed by a dog it was a few weeks of "Is Breakfast in Heaven?" type questions. LOTS of tears that day and really upset about it anytime she thought of it for the next few days.

Now when our classroom hamster died during the weekend it was a different reaction. Total meltdown, but the sadness lasted till we got to the pet store to pick out a replacement. Then all was right with the world. happyface

Be prepared for whatever behavior the child does when stressed/ upset. You'll probably see an increase in it for a while.

Good Luck.

[Angelsj]

You'll probably be answering questions or hearing statements about it for a while. When my daughter's favorite chicken got killed by a dog it was a few weeks of "Is Breakfast in Heaven?" type questions. LOTS of tears that day and really upset about it anytime she thought of it for the next few days.

Now when our classroom hamster died during the weekend it was a different reaction. Total meltdown, but the sadness lasted till we got to the pet store to pick out a replacement. Then all was right with the world. happyface

Be prepared for whatever behavior the child does when stressed/ upset. You'll probably see an increase in it for a while.

Good Luck.

You named a chicken Breakfast??

[DaveA]

You named a chicken Breakfast??

My daughter did. She actually has a pretty wicked sense of humor. Just no telling when/where it will show up. She tells people "We keep pretty chickens- we eat ugly chickens." ::When we found another white silkie to "replace" Breakfast she named it "Lovely" because she was "just lovely".

[Angelsj]

My daughter did. She actually has a pretty wicked sense of humor. Just no telling when/where it will show up. She tells people "We keep pretty chickens- we eat ugly chickens." ::When we found another white silkie to "replace" Breakfast she named it "Lovely" because she was "just lovely".

Lol That is an awesome sense of humor! ::

[BumbleBee]

Well it was kind of a mix of reactions. So far all of the behavior's relating to the dogs death have been mild. Dck is out of school this coming week for holiday break and will be here for full days so we shall see. I'm on high alert for inappropriate behaviors if/when they show up. I'm hoping they don't but suspect they will.

Thank you to everyone for your advice on this one. I appreciate it!