Walk Me Through This...

[preschoolteacher]

I'm dealing with a bad case of the "mine!"s with my two year olds. I read nannyde's advice on saying 'no mine" and "leave it". I think I could benefit from some of you walking me through how you'd handle these kind of situations:

Bobby is sitting on the big digger toy in the sandbox. Susie comes up and touches the front of it. Bobby says "no, mine, no" and Susie screams because she wants to touch it, but she's not taking it away. Does Bobby get to determine whether or not she touches it since it's his turn? Or does the "no, mine" reaction he have change it?

Susie isn't playing with the puzzle, but screams when Katie takes a piece. Katie stops playing and begins hording pieces instead. Susie gets a piece and runs off yelling "mine", Katie goes after her still hording her pieces, Bobby jumps in for a puzzle piece too and they're all hording, saying "mine", and no one actually is playing with the puzzle at all.

Katie says "mine" all day about everything, including "mine ponytail" (not Susie's!), "mine" spot on the rug, and comes up to me often showing me what she has and saying "mine."

Two of the girls are also excluding others. I can't believe this is happening with young two year olds. So they won't let someone have a toy, go in the playhouse, etc., because they say it's for their friend.

Help!!

[Michael]

Some threads that may be helpful: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=possessive

[Josiegirl]

Yep, all of this sounds so familiar. Out of all my dcks, I have 1 dcb and he just started back because he's a schoolage kid. But the girls seem notorious for all the behaviors you're explaining. In cases where it would work, I use a timer, such as taking turns and do not touch until timer goes off. But my 2 yos grab and run, just to get a reaction out of my 3 yo screamer. And wow, what a reaction they get. I try to engage the grabber/runner into something so she'll leave the others alone for awhile. Lots of it is about redirection redirection redirection.
Good luck! It can be so exhausting, I think that's why God gave us weekends.

ETA: And to the girls who are excluding another, it wouldn't be beneath me to make the other 2 get out of the playhouse and let the other one in. That's when the 2 usually change their mind and allow the 3rd in. Or start some circle games, etc., where everyone can join in. Change the direction of play altogether, get out dress-up and put on the music. There is no excluding there. My mantra is 'whatever works'. I've tried talking till I'm blue in the face about 'how would you feel if...' and at 2 yo I don't think it sinks in, there's no comprehension yet.

[taylorw1210]

I'm curious to read the responses to this post, as I struggle with this with some of my 2yo girls, too. And it seems to only be the girls for the most part. Very rarely a boy in the same age group will have an issue, but it's quickly redirected and ends there. However, girls? Whew.

[melilley]

Yep, my two 2.5 year olds are constantly saying "mine", but my situation is a little different than yours, it's always my mom, my dad, my grandpa, never an object and they will go on and on and on. It drives me nuts!

[Blackcat31]

I'm dealing with a bad case of the "mine!"s with my two year olds. I read nannyde's advice on saying 'no mine" and "leave it". I think I could benefit from some of you walking me through how you'd handle these kind of situations:

Bobby is sitting on the big digger toy in the sandbox. Susie comes up and touches the front of it. Bobby says "no, mine, no" and Susie screams because she wants to touch it, but she's not taking it away. Does Bobby get to determine whether or not she touches it since it's his turn? Or does the "no, mine" reaction he have change it?

Susie needs to leave it alone. Bobby has a right to personal space and Susie purposely touching it has no purpose in playing..other than she is getting rise out of Bobby.

Susie needs to go play.

Susie isn't playing with the puzzle, but screams when Katie takes a piece. Katie stops playing and begins hording pieces instead. Susie gets a piece and runs off yelling "mine", Katie goes after her still hording her pieces, Bobby jumps in for a puzzle piece too and they're all hording, saying "mine", and no one actually is playing with the puzzle at all.

If Susie isn't playing the puzzle, she needs to go put it away so that someone else can play with it. If she is actually playing with it, Katie needs to leave her alone.

Bobby needs to mind his own business and he will be notified when it's his turn to play with the puzzle.

Katie says "mine" all day about everything, including "mine ponytail" (not Susie's!), "mine" spot on the rug, and comes up to me often showing me what she has and saying "mine."

Ignore. If you need to respond, just say "We share here."

Rinse and repeat. As long as she isn't touching anyone...words are fine. She is just trying to see what you will or won't agree with.

I wouldn't even correct her when she says "mine" about someone else's ponytail...just keep saying "We share here"

Two of the girls are also excluding others. I can't believe this is happening with young two year olds. So they won't let someone have a toy, go in the playhouse, etc., because they say it's for their friend.

Help!!

When out right excluding happens, I remove the privilege of choosing playmates and instead assign who can play with whom.

If they continue to exclude say anyone being allowed to go into the playhouse, then THEY get removed from being allowed to go in. I just tell them "We share here" and since they are not sharing, they don't get to use it.

Those are my replies and how I would personally handle those situations.

HTH

[Josiegirl]

Another thought is if 2 kids are playing the mine tug-o-war with a toy, the toy gets put in time out. I had to do that this afternoon when we went outside to play. The 6 yo sibling had been playing with a pail of mud this a.m. but little sis got to it first this afternoon. A huge screaming fit from both started and I calmly told them *I* was going to play with it and took it away. WHY? Because I can.

[SignMeUp]

I also like to make my own play groups. I think it's good for children to expand their horizons. Sometimes older kids end up with a little kid partner, and they can show them how to build or put together a puzzle. Sometimes they end up with someone they never choose to play with, and find out that they can be friends.

If there is prolonged arguing over a toy (it's mine, I had it first), I ask children to bring the toy to me. I hold it close and say that, actually, it is my toy.
But I share with everyone. They usually are and then and then :: and then the arguing is all over, or else I set up turns. On the rare occasion that it doesn't end then, I do put the toy up.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I also like to make my own play groups. I think it's good for children to expand their horizons. Sometimes older kids end up with a little kid partner, and they can show them how to build or put together a puzzle. Sometimes they end up with someone they never choose to play with, and find out that they can be friends.

If there is prolonged arguing over a toy (it's mine, I had it first), I ask children to bring the toy to me. I hold it close and say that, actually, it is my toy.
But I share with everyone. They usually are and then and then :: and then the arguing is all over, or else I set up turns. On the rare occasion that it doesn't end then, I do put the toy up.

I do all of this as well.

[Angelsj]

I tell them ALL the toys are mine. I am sharing with YOU. It usually stops them in their tracks and they move on. ::

[bananas]

What do you do when you have a bunch of 2 year olds and they scream "MINE!" specifically to make the other children cry? The other kid could be across the room when a child begins to scream "MINE, MINE, MINE!" directly at them....until the other kid bursts into tears. If the other kid ignores the "MINE!" child, that "MINE!" child will walk up to them in their face and scream "MIIIIIINE!!!!!!!" until there is a reaction. They also scream "NO! NO! NO!!!!" (for no reason in particular too, they all can just gang up on one kid and scream "NO! NO! NO!" at the their face as soon as their mom leaves until that kid is bawling in tears on the floor). Sometimes I tell the victim to tell them "YESSSS!" but as soon as the child screams "YES!" back then the original offender starts bursting into tears. "WAAAHHH....so-and-so said yes to me...WAAHHHHHH!" I've got a ruthless gang of 2 year olds!

[racemom]

What do you do when you have a bunch of 2 year olds and they scream "MINE!" specifically to make the other children cry? The other kid could be across the room when a child begins to scream "MINE, MINE, MINE!" directly at them....until the other kid bursts into tears. If the other kid ignores the "MINE!" child, that "MINE!" child will walk up to them in their face and scream "MIIIIIINE!!!!!!!" until there is a reaction. They also scream "NO! NO! NO!!!!" (for no reason in particular too, they all can just gang up on one kid and scream "NO! NO! NO!" at the their face as soon as their mom leaves until that kid is bawling in tears on the floor). Sometimes I tell the victim to tell them "YESSSS!" but as soon as the child screams "YES!" back then the original offender starts bursting into tears. "WAAAHHH....so-and-so said yes to me...WAAHHHHHH!" I've got a ruthless gang of 2 year olds!

Don't let them play or talk to each other! Make different areas/corners in the room and everyone has their own area and toy to play with. No getting up or talking to others for awhile when this happens. That way they cannot fight over toys or yell at each other. I make them ask me if they want to switch toys and only 1 at a time is allowed up only to get a different toy. I know this sounds extreme but it is very effective.

[NightOwl]

What do you do when you have a bunch of 2 year olds and they scream "MINE!" specifically to make the other children cry? The other kid could be across the room when a child begins to scream "MINE, MINE, MINE!" directly at them....until the other kid bursts into tears. If the other kid ignores the "MINE!" child, that "MINE!" child will walk up to them in their face and scream "MIIIIIINE!!!!!!!" until there is a reaction. They also scream "NO! NO! NO!!!!" (for no reason in particular too, they all can just gang up on one kid and scream "NO! NO! NO!" at the their face as soon as their mom leaves until that kid is bawling in tears on the floor). Sometimes I tell the victim to tell them "YESSSS!" but as soon as the child screams "YES!" back then the original offender starts bursting into tears. "WAAAHHH....so-and-so said yes to me...WAAHHHHHH!" I've got a ruthless gang of 2 year olds!

You said they can gang up and 'scream no, no, no! at the other child as soon as mom leaves until that kid is bawling in tears on the floor'. If it were me, I would be all over the 'no screamers' as soon as the first "n" sound passed their lips, not after they've so upset their victim that he/she is "bawling" on the floor.
And the first scenario where the dck is screaming 'mine' across the room and doesn't get a reaction, so dck goes to the victim and screams 'mine' in their face until they cry?? Do you not intercept the behavior as soon as the first "mine" is spoken?
From your description, it just sounds like you are watching this all play out without intervening until it's totally out of control.
For these dcks who are screaming no and mine in order to get a rise out of another dck, you must put a stop to their behavior BEFORE it gets to the point of making others cry. They need to take a TO each and every single time they say no or mine with the sole intent of upsetting someone. EVERY time. They must feel that this is acceptable behavior to be continuing with it. Be consistent and never let it slide. Rinse, repeat until they get it. These kids sounds like little bullies.
And for what it's worth, if i were the parent of the child being screamed at, I would remove them from care if I knew this was happening on a regular basis.

[NightOwl]

I tell them ALL the toys are mine. I am sharing with YOU. It usually stops them in their tracks and they move on. ::

Me too!

[SignMeUp]

Momma said there'll be days like this;
There'll be days like this my Momma said :: :: ::