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Can or Would You Do This?

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  • QualiTcare
    replied
    lots of people have disagreed with me in the past about this, but i've never made a kid play with someone they don't want to play with.

    some have the philosophy that "we're all friends and have to play together," but it's just not realistic in my opinion. anytime a kid has come to me and said, "so and so won't let me play with them," i'd say, "so..find someone else to play with."

    i know there are people i don't care for and i sure wouldn't want to be forced to hang out with them - i don't see any difference. we're supposedly preparing them for "the real world" and in the "real world" we're NOT all friends.

    my daughter didn't like a little girl in her kingergarten class and told me she would follow her around and always want to play, but my daughter said she was a bully and she didn't like her. i told her she did NOT have to play with her and if her teacher told her she did then she could tell her teacher what i said.

    there are always exceptions - like this one kid i had also had an older, "cooler" brother and since his brother didn't want him around his little group of friends - he had nobody to play with. in that case, i didn't MAKE the boys let him play with them, but italked to them about it (because the kid was nice - it was just a clique thing) and they ended up "letting" him play.

    let the kids shun him for a day or two and maybe he'll realize the way he is acting is not working in his favor. if he's mean to the other kids and you force the other kids to continue putting up with it - he'll have NO reason whatsoever to behave.kids do what works. if pouting/tattling/crying/hitting has worked before then he'll keep doing it. you could even have the other kids talk with him about WHY they don't want to play with him which would be more meaningful to him than you telling him he can't play with them. JMO!

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  • Chickenhauler
    replied
    He's almost school age, and he's going to find out really soon that if he continues this behavior, when he gets to school, he'll be ostracized by his peers anyways.

    Maybe experiencing it now will help nip this behavior in the bud.

    Leave a comment:


  • AmandasFCC
    replied
    Agreed. If a child can't play appropriately then he is separated until he can. If the other kids dont' want to play with you FOR A FAIR REASON, then who am I to force it?

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  • TGT09
    replied
    Originally posted by momofsix View Post
    I wouldn't tell them when they have to give him another try. If they're ready, they will; maybe past experience with this child will make that be a very long time. It should be their choice who to play with as long as they are not using that choice to bully/hurt or exclude others simply to be mean or cliqueish. (sp?)
    This definitely!

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  • momofsix
    replied
    I wouldn't tell them when they have to give him another try. If they're ready, they will; maybe past experience with this child will make that be a very long time. It should be their choice who to play with as long as they are not using that choice to bully/hurt or exclude others simply to be mean or cliqueish. (sp?)

    Leave a comment:


  • tenderhearts
    replied
    Thanks, the kids said they didn't want to play with him and he kept telling them he can and they weren't playing nice they said we don't want to play with you you're not being nice, he then spit at them so I made him come out and sit by me told him spitting isn't ok and he said they are being mean to me, I explained to him that he was the one that wasn't being nice and that's why they didn't want to play with him but I know for a fact he doesn't get it, at all. So when do I tell the other kids they need to try and let him play and if he isnt' nice again then they don't? I'm so glad he will be leaving soon. Then maybe his mom will "get it".

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  • MarinaVanessa
    replied
    Of course it is! I never force the kids to play together, they have a choice. If one child is being bossy or difficult and that kid is playing with a"group" toy (blocks, pretend area, etc) then he has to share. If he doesn't play nice then HE doesn't get to play with it. I have lots of things that a kid can play with alone like (books, magna-doodle, chalk board, dry-erase boards etc). If he doesn't play nice with the rest of the kids then have him do something where he doesn't interact with them.

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  • Janet
    Guest replied
    I've been there before!

    I've had kids behave that way in the past and I never make the kids play with the hostile kid until he/she can get him/herself in check. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone who was being mean to me. I always make sure that the hostile kid knows why no one is playing with them and I always let the kid know what he/she can do to get the other kids to play with him/her again.

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  • judytrickett
    Guest replied
    Would YOU want to be forced to interact with an adult who wasn't nice and didn't play fair?

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  • momofsix
    replied
    I definitely think so! That is a perfect example of a logical consequense to his bad behavior--he's being "punished" or "disciplined" and you aren't the bad guy!
    I would make sure he knows exactly why they aren't playing with him,but don't turn it into a lecture or anything--b/c then the discipline is back on you.
    Also be very careful that the others don't feel they have permission to turn it into a "bash Johnny" time.
    Maybe this will help him change his ways!

    Leave a comment:


  • tenderhearts
    started a topic Can or Would You Do This?

    Can or Would You Do This?

    I have a dcb who is 4 1/2 I've mentioned him before, his behaviour with the other kids. Well it's starting up again and the others are not wanting to play with him, they try to until he starts being not nice, he is bossy, constantly policing them, bullies, pouts when he doesn't get his way, he'll scream and cry that someone hurt him when they havent' even touched him (I've seen it so I know), does things to the others but as soon as someone does it back he cries, just a bunch of stuff, his mom is well aware of it we've talked about it numerous times. Anyways, is it ok to tell the others they don't have to play with him if he's not going to play nice and fair?
    Last edited by Michael; 07-13-2010, 09:37 PM.
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