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What To Do

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  • What To Do

    alright, for the first time in a LONG time,... I am stuck as to a solution. Ive had a family for 3 yrs. 4 yr old girl. Moms work has began paying for (last 2 yrs) her care. So,.. she is roughly 11 weeks ahead in childcare fees. Yesterday mom comes in,.. talking about putting her in preschool. Fine with me. No worries. Ive had many go to preschool. Then she says,.. well I dont have anyone to take her. So Im like,.. I see,.. ok. Then she says,.. well I found a place. We like it. We are wanting to enroll her there,... now,.. how are we going to do a refund? I said,.. ummm,.... refund? Im not going to refund you fees that I am paying taxes on because your employer is going to turn in the income,.. she is like,.. oh taxes,.. I never thought about taxes. I didnt know you paid taxes,.. (I WAS NOT BORN YESTERDAY!) yes I pay taxes,..I claim everything. She says,.. ok well we will just wait until aug and switch her then,.. ok.....
    this morning,...
    she comes in,.. Hey July first is when I want to be refunded until. so that is only half the time, I figured we would split the difference,.. and it would be fair,...

    .. I said,.. but I TOLD you I am not paying taxes on money Im not recieving income on. Thats ridiculous. We agreed to aug being her last day and you just not paying anymore and using up your credit.,...

    so I flat let her have it. I told her that I felt like I had bent over backwards to help her out, opening early, closing late,... etc......
    and NOW when things get difficult for her or are more advantagous to her she changes the rules? I said,.. no,.. this isnt fair. You are basicly telling me,.. hey Ive paid you til aug but dont want you any more so give me back my money,....Which I know I should have not taken but they have been paying like this for years,...

    I ended the conversation this morning after 35 minutes of conversation,.. her playing the poor me routine and me totally saying,.. Im taking off my caring hat and putting on my business one. From a business point of view I feel like your not being fair to me. You have changed your mind on what you want to do several times from yesterday to today and I need a date. A concrete date when will be her last day. on a personal side,.. I cant go through the grieving process of losing her over and over again. With you changing your mind on when or if it will be,...This isnt like a newspaper subscription, this is real life, love and emotions. .. I get attached to the kids, they to meand its not fair to anyone to be wishy washy about it. YOU need to give me a date,.. a concrete date. period. She says,.. I dont know why it has to be this way,.. I still want her to come here when the other place cant keep her,.. and she will start school soon and then she will need before and after school. I said,.. I wont be here for you then. Im sorry. But I cant offer that service. Other children will soon replace her spot. She then says,.. what if she hates it can she come back???? I said,.. probably not, I am filling her spot as soon as possible. This is my business,... I have no choice.
    Then she left,... bawling.

    Ive been thinking about this and I have two options,..
    have my husband go pull money out of savings to refund her,.. issue an end of year statement and have her sign a total paid reciept that shows how much she PAID, and how much I refunded. and term her effective two weeks from today (or immediately depending on how she behaves)

    or just let HER take the lead and do what she wants,... what do you think?

    Part of me says, get the money to refund her and when she decides to give me a date ~~ refund her all but 2 weeks, give her 2 weeks notice, and wash my hands of it.

    she has NO PROBLEM with the care I give, the program I offer is just not as "schooly" as she wants. I havent changed, she has. She knows her daughter is loved, and liked. Secure and safe.

    what would you do????

  • #2
    Unfortunately if you have no policy about paying in advance and refunding if they change their minds then I think you're stuck giving her a refund for the time that she wants back. If you require that they pay a week in advance for example and are also required to give a two-weeks notice once they deccide to leave then you are entitled to that at least but as to the rest, you are probably required to refund it (im assuming that if they took you to court you would probably be court ordered to refund what they did not use up in services).

    As for the rest, that's entirely up to you. If you don't mind them sticking around until July then have her give you a CONCRETE date as to their last day of care IN WRITING and start advertising immediately for an opening that starts right after their last date to show her that you are not playing around. If your feelings are hurt (mine would be) and you just simply don't want to deal with them then just give them a two-weeks notice but refund them the remaining amount. Do as you said and have her sign a statement with the amount that she had originally paid, the amount you refund and the amount that was paid to cover the actual cost of care and have her sign it and give her a copy and you keep the original. Whether you let them stay until July or August or terminate soon give them a notice as well that says that you agree that the day that they have given you will be their last day and that it CANNOT be changed to sooner or later than was agreed after the money is refunded. That way she doesn't try to change it on you again. Sorry that you're in this situation. Hope it all works out well for you.


    • #3
      I wouldn't refund a dime. Unless you have a written agreement saying that any fees in advance will be refunded should the client or you terminate care I would tell her that you will provide care until the fee is used up. She should have thought of this before she paid you that far in advance.


      • #4
        I would type up a notice saying that as of X date (august 1st, if that is when she is paid up until) that care will no longer be given. Then be available to watch her child until then, and if she chooses to pull her child before then, that is up to her. I would refund nothing.


        • #5
          WHOA! Her company is paying you? If this is with pre-tax dollars it is ILLEGAL for you to give the money back to her. I'd be calling the company.


          • #6
            its the VA, she works for the va hospital, its a federal program. They direct deposit into my account.


            • #7
              I don't know what your contract says or how the court would look at this, but this just stinks! If someone paid me 11 weeks in advance, I'd totally be counting on at least that much notice. The money is paid, they have secured your service for the next 11 weeks. IMO if they change their mind, too bad! They need to wait it out until the fall or be out a lot of money. If it were me I couldn't even refund it if I wanted to. I usually invest most of my money back into the daycare/home as I get it.

              This seems so silly anyway. WHY can't she just wait a couple of months to get her into that preschool?? Fall is the typical start date anyway. I just don't get the rush after so long and with you giving her "school" at daycare too. Is this place very hard to get into or something? :confused:

              I don't know how hurt you are or if you really don't want her there anymore (once she's gone I know I wouldn't) Maybe a compromise would be that she can have that money on account with you to use for babysitting/occasional nights out around your schedule (if you offer that). 11 wks pay though that'd be a lot of nights out...and who knows if she'd even go for it. I don't know I guess. This is tough. I understand your wanting to give it all back and just cut the tie, but the taxes.. What a mess.

              Overall I'd stick with, DCMom needs to wait until her credit runs out with you and perhaps she'll take this as a lesson to plan ahead in the future instead of blindsiding people with a request for 11 weeks pay refunded out of nowhere.


              • #8
                Originally posted by grandmom View Post
                WHOA! Her company is paying you? If this is with pre-tax dollars it is ILLEGAL for you to give the money back to her. I'd be calling the company.
                I didn't even think about that. Grandmom may have a very good point here! Contact the program and see what they say.


                • #9
                  If this advance pmt came out of her company flex- I would tell her- its simply not legal to refund to you- the company will want it back, then pay it to the new provider- talk to your employer. Otherwise I have been paid thru Agust- that was your choice- you are paid thru that date and I have reason to expect that much notice then. Whether you choose to use that paid space thru August is up to you. Either way you must give me a definate last date so I can plan activities, going away party, lesson plans, meals whatever.

                  Might I ask how old the child is? My kids don't leave for preschool because I offer my own, but around here for those that don't, she shouldn't need to leave until September of the year before she starts kindergarden. It doesn't sound like she's going to "preschool", because our school system offers 3-4 day a week preschool for 1/2 days only- and most kids who do go still need daycare. Weird. Sounds more like a switch to a different style of daycare that offers more academics. It's not like the child is missing out on bussing setup for actual preschool by staying, so really- she just needs to use up her credit before moving. If she's worried about the academics she can spend her family time at home after work doing some learning activities instead of watching TV until August. In the future, you might want to adress this sort of potential problem in your contract- regarding notice, pre-paying, refunds- so there's no question.


                  • #10
                    I was talking to my fiance about this issue over lunch (he works for the DA's office in CA) and he said that if this case went to court in our state (not sure what state you are in Duchess) that it would be very difficult for you to keep the money if her company asked for it back. I read the last comment and realized that I didn't make it clear or explain that the money shouldn't go to the mom it should go back to the company. I'm assuming that the company may take you to court because of the amount of money that it is and if it did come to that point you'd also have to close for a day to go to court, pay atourney fees, court costs etc. Just ask yourself if you really want to have to go through the trouble. On the other hand if the mom is asking for the money for herself then don't give it to her. Ask her for something in writing from her company and go through them. If the company asks for the balance returned then it'll be hard for you to keep it.

                    Hope this helps even if it just gives you something to think about.


                    • #11
                      It seems to me that the company would have exchanged information with you, if they have your account info for direct deposit. I would look into any paperwork given to you by them, as I suspect that it may be addressed in there. Definitely tell the mom to have the company's Human Resources department get back to you so that you can go over it with them. They might be surprised to find out that she came to you for the cash.


                      • #12
                        I think I might just skip the middle man and call the VA about it and see what they say.


                        • #13
                          The VA? Definitely do not give her any money until you do some homework. I'd even call my accountant to discuss the tax implications. If there's a refund it should go back to the VA so that it doesn't show up with the IRS.

                          Better yet, maybe the Mom should do this homework for you. Tell her you've been seeking counsel, and this is the challenge. She needs to bring something from her HR dept. Surely they have a form for this return of money and who it should be returned to.

                          Why would the VA pay that far in advance? Silly question, doesn't need an answer.


                          • #14
                            well they are actually paying from feb,.. but she keeps me caught up so she has paid the advanced money, but it is a check from them,.. let me explain better,.. when she filed a claim she knew they would be months paying so she paid,... then when they "caught up" she is ahead. So then she will file again and if its not here yet she will catch up again. so it took forever to get here last time,... so she kept me current,... then they deposited over 1200 dollars two weeks ago. so she is way ahead again,.. and now wants to pull her.

                            update,.. I get a text today asking if Im busy,.. I answer yes, but do you have a date for me yet? she is like,.. no I heard back from head start but I make too much money, so Im still looking at places..... I just said,.. ok.

                            I interview her replacement this evening and if need be will give her notice in the morning. Along with the term letter Ill refund her the money she is paid in advance on. Im just going to apply the va payments to the time period they actually covered, from months ago,.. and refund her the money she (well her mom actually) paid me in cash to keep current while waiting on the claim forms.

                            Im ready to be done. Move on and embrace my spring. This was a bit of drama I didnt need right now.

                            Ive got my annual surprise inspection any day,.. april 1-june 30,... my cda class is over in June and Im going for the cda credential as soon as I can, around june 26, My paths to quality level 3 status visit is set for first week of June, My son graduates high school memorial day weekend, so there is open house and all the college forms, and all that,.. my dh had spine surgery 3 weeks ago and is home up my butt, My cousin had twins monday and one is not doing well., I have the interview tonight, my neighbor died and his family asked us to watch over his yard and mow, so thats more work for me,.. My 3rd child turns 12 sat and we get to have a slumber party !@! oh joy,...

                            DH is so worried about my stress level he is trying to do laundry,... which is just adding to the stress. Im a bit of a control freak and just have my own way of doing things.

                            Im just praying for July to get here safely without injury or mental breakdown.


                            • #15
                              just got another text from her,....

                              "my head is a mess. I have thought of things that I didnt consider before. All I want is what is best for 'daughters' sake. Am I being unrealistic for her age?

                              I sent back that I couldnt make that decision for her, she knew her daughtrer best but most people wait until the year before their kindergarten year to send them to preschool. If they even send them.


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