A Child Knocked On My Door Last Night

[safechner]

Good Morning everyone,

I need some advice. Last night, a 9 year old child knocked on my door and I opened the door and I knew her. She wanted to come in for waiting for her parents to come home. I asked her what is wrong and she said her parents are not home. She don't have anyone to take her in but her friend's mother cant take her in since her child wasn't feeling well. I feel I don't know what to do but I told her I can't take you in for some reason. Her mother and father and I aren't getting along because they owed me a lot of money for my daycare service and I already filed a small claim court against them. She looks so sad that I can't take her in. I told her just waiting right by her house until her parents home. She went for it. I closed the door and I felt so bad about it.

In the past years, many stranger kids come home from school to find their parents were not home and they decided to come to my house because they think it would be safe at my house. Honestly, I don't know why. I think I am the only one who runs a home daycare in my neighborhood. They look so scared so I welcome them in my house until I took them home if I see the parents home. Some parents were glad that they are doing the right thing to come my house but truth is, they dont know me and I dont know them. Otherwise, some kids found animals and bring them to me that they knew I would take care of them and some people came to my house if I see their dogs or cats and I gave it back to them. That was so strange but they seem like they are comfortable with me since they dont know me very well.

Anyways, do you think I should take her in if her parents are not home? I feel awful about it last night. I do care about the children...

[jen]

I would have as long as I was within my numbers. Your issue with the parents doesn't have anything to do with the child.

[safechner]

Jen, that is correct it has nothing to do with this child. This child didn't know her parents and I are not getting along. I would never mentioned to her like that since her and my daughter are very good friends. I have their parents' phone numbers but this child told me all of their phone are disconnected due to nonpayment. I already tried to call them but all of them are disconnected. So she was sitting on the porch by her house for waiting for their parents home about 30 mins later. My husband checked on her for me since I felt bad about it. This is not first time because their parents are taking anyone advantage of. My daughter told me that she went to her friend's house a few times because their parents are not home. I think maybe that is why her friend's mother fed up with their parents and wouldnt take her in last night, who knows.

Her little four year old sister was so happy to see me and wave to me a couple days ago when she walked with her mother right past my house. I waved back to her but her mother was b***ing about it. There is nothing I can do about it. I love their kids very much but I can't let their parents take advantage of me anymore.

[Childminder]

I would have let her in, then called the police to notify them that this young child was being neglected.

[missnikki]

I would have my husband walk her to her house, and knock on the door. If no one was home, then I would bring her back and call the police. You need to be careful about reporting child neglect to the police until you know for sure that they left her all alone.
Now that it's all done, I would definitely document what happened, and keep it for the next time she knocks.
One more thing- I would mention it to her parents the first chance I get.

[gbcc]

I would have my husband walk her to her house, and knock on the door. If no one was home, then I would bring her back and call the police. You need to be careful about reporting child neglect to the police until you know for sure that they left her all alone.
Now that it's all done, I would definitely document what happened, and keep it for the next time she knocks.
One more thing- I would mention it to her parents the first chance I get.

Exactly. In NY a child can be left alone at 8 years old. But if this child is scared enough to go knocking on doors I would say that was emotional neglect. I would call CPS and report her being left home constantly on knocking on doors.

I also wonder, if you turned her away and she was kidnapped (God forbid), would you be liable? You may want to look into that.

[Childminder]

I wouldn't have my husband do it, they'd probably go after him for some type of inappropriate behavior. Alone with a little girl? No way.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I would try knocking and if no answer call cps, saying a former daycare child of yours came and knocked on your door because she was scared and alone and no parent is available to her. Make a paper trail. This child deserves someone to stand up for her.

[safechner]

Thank you so much! I agree with y'all. Truth is, I am scared to call the police about it because her daddy have criminal records but I don't know what was it. All I found his public records that he have been hurting someone (body injury) with the knife. I have to protect my family and daycare kids since my husband wouldn't be home until 5 or 6pm to protect us. Sometime he will be home early. I guess I would have to stand up to call the police or cps if she shows up again.

I decided I stopped her friend's house to speak with her friend's mother to see if she is taking advantage of. She told me she can't take her in because it happens like 6-8 times in two months. I told her if it happens again then she would need to call the police or report cps on them. She agreed with it. She told me she is glad she is not only one that they are taking advantage of.

At least, she is ok now that I checked to make sure she goes home while her parents home after school today. They only live one block from my house. Again, thank you for your suggestion.

[missnikki]

I wouldn't have my husband do it, they'd probably go after him for some type of inappropriate behavior. Alone with a little girl? No way.

Childminder, I suggested it because in this situation, he is her neighbor, not affiliated with the daycare. The burden of proof is on them to prove that they were acting responsibly, and that he did something wrong.
Now in CA, as a daycare provider, you are a 'Mandated Reporter', which means that under the law, you must report any suspicion or proof of neglect/ abuse. You are liable to lose your right to work with kids ever again (or suffer worse penalties, depending) if you are found to have knowledge of a situation that you did not report.

[Chickenhauler]

I wouldn't have my husband do it, they'd probably go after him for some type of inappropriate behavior. Alone with a little girl? No way.

Childminder, I suggested it because in this situation, he is her neighbor, not affiliated with the daycare. The burden of proof is on them to prove that they were acting responsibly, and that he did something wrong.

You're assuming that "innocent until proven guilty" applies in the situation of child abuse of any form, which it does not. Even less so when it's adult male doing wrong to underage female.

Being a man, I REFUSE to be put in ANY somewhat compromising situation where I could be wrongly accused of anything of that sort.

I make damn sure that if I have to deal with a situation like described, there is always another person (preferably an adult) present.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I like my freedom.




Back on topic, I would not have turned the child away, even if the state law says the child can be left unattended at age 8. She was scared enough to come knocking, that tells me that she should not have been left alone. She wasn't ready for it.

[missnikki]

ChickenHauler,
I can respect your point of view completely. I was only saying that the 'elephant in the room' is that the child was left alone. In order for an accusation to take place, they would have to admit fault as to her neglect in the first place. So- yes, you are absolutely right not to put yourself in that position, but as you say, you wouldn't have turned her away either. The whole thing stinks of doody anyway. Poor kid.

[Unregistered]

oh my goodness - i'm shocked at these responses!

i was a latch key kid when i was growing up, but there were times when i forgot my key. i remember one time in particular i had forgotten my key, it was freezing out, and i was about to pee on myself! i had planned on waiting on the porch (for 3 hours at 10 years old) but then my neighbor came outside and started talking to me. she found out i was locked out, etc. and let me come into her home.

my parents were NOT neglectful. i was a mature 10 year old and i just happened to forget my key one day. i would've been traumatized had my neighbor called the cops on my parents!

i have a B.S. degree in early childhood development so i know all about what's good and bad for children - but my goodness - sometimes common sense trumps everything! you don't tell a CHILD who comes knocking on the door NO for any reason, EVER! it scares the cr@p out of me that there are childcare providers that could ever shut the door in a little child's face. the parents would be different, but a CHILD??! you have joined the wrong professions - change jobs!

[momofboys]

oh my goodness - i'm shocked at these responses!

i was a latch key kid when i was growing up, but there were times when i forgot my key. i remember one time in particular i had forgotten my key, it was freezing out, and i was about to pee on myself! i had planned on waiting on the porch (for 3 hours at 10 years old) but then my neighbor came outside and started talking to me. she found out i was locked out, etc. and let me come into her home.

my parents were NOT neglectful. i was a mature 10 year old and i just happened to forget my key one day. i would've been traumatized had my neighbor called the cops on my parents!

i have a B.S. degree in early childhood development so i know all about what's good and bad for children - but my goodness - sometimes common sense trumps everything! you don't tell a CHILD who comes knocking on the door NO for any reason, EVER! it scares the cr@p out of me that there are childcare providers that could ever shut the door in a little child's face. the parents would be different, but a CHILD??! you have joined the wrong professions - change jobs!

In this case though it appears as though the parents are neglectful, if their child is scared & appears to be left home on a regular basis. Yes, the DC provider should attempt to help the child but why does the child's care fall on her shoulders? She is already caring for others in her home. It seems quite unfair that just b/c she is home it is her obligation. The chid's parents need to be held accountable in my opinion for allowing this to happen. They are taking advantage of the childcare provider's kindness as far as I am concerned.

[momma2girls]

THis is pathetic and awful!! I have an 8 yr. old daughter, and I can just picture her in this situation!! We would never leave her alone ever at 8 yrs. old!!! I wonder how often this happens, or is this the first time? Poor little thing, I wish I could take her in!!!